Nostalgia

A year ago, I was still pregnant with Avery Grace. As her one year birthday approaches I feel nostalgic thinking about the days that lead up to getting pregnant with her. It took 16 long months but SHE was worth the wait! I remember the day I took the pregnancy test and showed it to Chris and he said, "so what does that mean?" I said, "well, I think it means we're pregnant." We went to Outback to celebrate. The sickness hadn't started and Outback still sounded good. I peruse my thoughts about different memories I share with just Avery. I remember around 20 weeks laying in the bedroom watching my stomach barely jump and felt so excited to see a visible sign and couldn't believe that I could see it so early. I work night shifts so it was not uncommon for me to be up at crazy hours, even at home. I think it was around 2 am when I saw her moving. It was just a faint sign that she was growing. I remember eating Outback because it sounded so good and then getting sick and seeing it later. I didn't like Outback anymore. My friends at work laughed at me for eating cheerios, dry, one at a time because I didn't want to get sick. Chris, periodically patting me on the shoulders as I sat in front of toilet and saying, "well, you alright? You wanted to get pregnant, remember?" Later he would tell people that I called out for "Buick." Sensitive I know. Then as the sickness left, things began to progress so fast. I did kick counts all the time and would drift off to sleep after counting 4 kicks. In the quiet of the night, or the morning, or the day, I would feel her ever present reminder that she was coming soon. This week I looked at pictures of when I was pregnant and couldn't believe that my skin could stretch like that. I remember working all night and labor starting at work. I tried everything to make it go away just so I could get some sleep. Most women are ready, but I just wanted a few hours to sleep after working all night. I proudly claim that I delivered the same day as my patient. I remember telling Kerrie, my nurse, that it was okay if she "labored" down because I was tired and wanted to rest for a moment. While pushing, I said, "I feel bad for my patients." Then Avery Grace entered my life. She changed my world and made me see God's love in a new light. If I could love this little girl so much, how much more can God love me and does love me. GOD LOVES ME! Avery was worth every day that I waited to be pregnant with her. I can close my eyes and still feel her moving, especially in the right upper corned of my ribs. She would just jab and push. Now, she is pulling up and playing with toys. She is such a big girl. Soon, it will be time to end nursing her and she will officially find nurishment from something other than me. Bittersweet. I am glad she is growing and able to move on and yet I wish I could have the sweet, quiet, private moments forever. Avery, you are 11 1/2 months old. I love you more than you will ever know. I went to your room the other night, as I always do before heading off to bed, and sitting on the floor sat your daddy holding your hand through the crib railing. He was just praying for you and relishing every moment of you. We love you and look forward to being a part of all your firsts and seconds and so on. We will always be there for you. I hope that we can portray a parents love in a way that will honor God and give some semblance of the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. Keep growing baby girl.
Thanks for making me a mom.